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Thursday, July 14, 2011

A Heartfelt Goodbye (for now)

Howdy Blogfans,

Although it may feel like I've been neglecting the blog, since I haven't posted in quite a while, nothing is farther from the truth. I have been thinking about the blog quite a bit lately and one thought has refused to shake itself loose. 

It's time to put this blog to bed. 

Believe it or not I'm not all that into navel gazing and that's really all this blog has been about. I wrote a book; it was a tough thing to do. I tried to sell my book and didn't succeed. This caused me all kinds of pain and strife. I changed my methods and changed them again when they too failed to work. This caused me some stress and general sadness. Blah flipping blah blah. 

The final straw, the one that broke the last flimsy excuse for this blog, landed during my trip home. Apparently the majority of my readership consists of family obtaining their jollies by learning that I am as much of a failure as anyone could hope and (and this was the final bit) they think I'm boring. Probably they think I'm boring because I don't talk about them but they have a point.

I didn't go to a highly respected writing school. I don't schmooze with agents and authors at conferences. I am not a fabulous short story writer and I didn't write a fabulously commercial novel. I, very much on purpose, wrote an original book that was interesting (to me) and relevant (to me) with a strong mystery element because mysteries are fun and challenging to write. I, in short, wrote the book that was in me to write and, in even shorter, it has failed to set anyone else's (in the publishing industry) heart aflutter. I spent a couple of years trying to make the book better, trying to make my writing better, trying to keep my finger on the erratic, crazy pulse of the publishing industry and have tried the patience of my family (and my self) by doing so. 

In a big hearted attempt to become a contributing member of society I looked for work and, again, failed. Repeatedly.  I am not used to failure and I HATE writing about it. I despise the fact that my honesty about my lack of achievement makes cowards (and I'm not talking exclusively about my family here) feel justified. "Hey look at her out there failing to be a big deal. We told her she shouldn't try, that her chances of success are so small that only a fool would risk all that work for nothing. We were right and she is a jerk for trying to achieve an impossible dream and, hahaha she can't even get a job as a secretary. Boy her college education was worth it!" Snicker snicker.

They are, to an extent, right. So far I have failed and it has been painful. I've seen much less skilled writers win contests, contracts and fame. I've been humbled by the masses of incredible writers who show me how far I have to go before I can call myself a writer. All I have is a firm belief that  I know what I am meant to do and that I will be good, and lucky, enough someday to reach my goal.

Right now I need to find a way to make money. I have a couple of freelance jobs to do and I need to focus on doing them well so that I can grab a few more. I also have four books to finish. I'm not even going to worry about editing and selling them. At this point just getting them done is the most important thing. 

The one thing I can't afford to do is to waste time writing about how unsuccessful I am. Nobody else wants to hear it unless they get some sort of thrill out of seeing someone fall off the ladder while they're reaching for the moon. Me? I think climbing a ladder to reach the moon is a n00b thing to do but it's part of the process. I don't think I need to document the process though- not here. Let's face it, I don't need any help looking stupid.

So, although it pains me to do so, it's time to say goodbye (for now) to my Subtly Hubristic blog.    I'll keep the blog up as long as I am able and will post when something happens that's worth blogging about but new content is going to be fairly rare for a while.

Take care, my beautiful readers.  It has been a joy and an honor to write to you. 

Eternally Yours,

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